WARNING: Vent – but I figure the good, the bad and the ugly should all be included.
I am struggling with school right now. There have been so many life things getting in the way that I have lost the last three weekends to family things that I haven’t been able to get the studying in I need to do, thus I am always in major stress mode and am just getting burnt out. My job is finally about to end, which has been a major stressor. I will be working for a professor who is giving me total freedom with my schedule so that I can do what I need to do for school, but I still have to work. I’ve come down with a cold or sinus thing that is just kicking my butt because of lack of sleep.
I have left my fiber, art side behind to do this and it is wearing on me. When going through a storage building’s contents that we were moving so I didn’t have to pay the fee anymore, my kids brought two of the bears I made in and Keith asked why I ever quit designing them. Part of that is because of my hands, but it started my love of my bears, my wool, my art burning again. I don’t like the trade off.
I know that this is not the uplifting message that maybe I “should” be posting, but this is one of the things that anyone will deal with going to school – especially as an adult. There are just so many more responsibilities that are not ones you can walk away from when you are an adult. I know I need to take time for myself, but it never seems to be enough. I’m an artist – that’s what I love doing, but I can’t make a living at it. I love farming – but again, very hard to make a living at it unless you can do it full time and have something else to back you up. We just do not have the means for me to just do the farm and my art while I build up a business.
Please do not get me wrong, I do love the nursing classes and I have met some WONDERFUL students. I’m just really torn right now. I know that nursing will keep me employed and not stressing over money for the rest of my life, but it is a long road it seems right now and hard to not be burnt out and want to go back to my creative side. I WILL find a way to balance, or live with this – I just needed to vent today.
